How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
