is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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