her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
