dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
vagina is talking i cant
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
