Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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