That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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