Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
