We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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