I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
