so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
