So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
