pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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