I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
