Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
