Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
