I wish my penis had an off switch
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
