I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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