Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
