i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
this hospital has no fireball
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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