Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
