How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
