I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
