cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
