apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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