Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
