i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
