Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
