I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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