i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
