I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
