never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
