Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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