Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
