got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize