Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
