He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
