im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
