She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
