he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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