she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
