I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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