I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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