just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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