How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Quick, to the slutcave!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
