No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
