I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
