While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Send help, water and tortillas.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
