I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
