Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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