Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
