When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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