Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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