How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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