I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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