So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
