I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
