My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
