That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
