apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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