I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
