Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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