She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
