What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
