I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
