She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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