My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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