i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
