so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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