That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
