I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
