what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize