I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
