i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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