I haven't been this sober since birth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
