he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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